I'm going to say it: Weekends are brutal. A wedding? Yep. Wedding cake? Sure. Wedding food...but you know it didn't go as planned.
I tried hard to get out of this. With my body feeling so low (like a heavy lead blanket is constantly lying on me), an 11 month old, and being 4 1/2 mo preggo...I knew going to a wedding would equal disaster. Hubs was in the wedding...he wasn't happy with us not going. I caved. We went
LONG day.
Soccer game first with 6 yr old. I packed a cooler. Pat myself on the back. Skim milk cheese, lowfat yogurt, whole grain bread with peanut butter and nutella, banana. It was satisfying.
I took hubs to the wedding. I went back to mom's for a 4 hr rest. It went well. Mom baked cupcakes. Had two, it was worth it.
Time for the reception. Deep breath, get through it.
Baby and I sat for two hours alone. We sat against a wall and were cornered in by the food line. People were literally one foot away from us, occasionally bumping into the stroller I had. I put it there to block the traffic from getting any closer. Trying to eat with every wedding guest looking at you is really trying.
The wedding went like any other, and we finally got home around 11. It was hellish. The next day, I had a hangover of a different sorts, caused by a lack of sleep and total exhaustion.
I really pride myself that I didn't over-indulge that day. I really could have. Really.
I am still, today, feeling horribly shaky and not well. Did eat oats and toast for breakfast. Banana snack. Leftovers for lunch. Still feel wretched. Hoping all is ok with baby Beckett #2. Going for doc appointment tomorrow.
Weight is same as before.
I feel worse than before (blame it on the long hard weekend?)
More updates later.
P.S> My bloodpressure was 88/45 last night. Montt is hoping it is because that we are using his cuff, which is made for a larger arm. I will bring this up tomorow with doc.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
A little lighter....
Well, last night, after two days of more water, more colors (not the best variety, I will explain) and less WHITE in my tummy....Something happened. The scale read minus 5lbs. I was really shocked that I would see a result like that in the evening...normally we all weigh less in the morning...
hmm....let's see what it will say tomorrow....
So I slept on it. Lo' and behold. The same reading today...actually, I could almost say it read minus 6 lbs but I wont get carried away.
Water weight. I'm sure.
Diet for the past two days I could say has been appropriate, but a bit bland. Not on flavor, but on variety. I have got to go COLOR hunting very soon!!! If anyone has any ideas on locations, please share!
I'm not gung ho' on weight loss. I am 75% focused on healthy diet alone. Yes, my body would LOVE to shed a few, so I am keeping that goal in check, but on the back burner. Why lose lbs when you are unhealthy...
Today, I went with slow cooking oats and cinnamon (with splenda...please, I have enough guilt that I am putting that into my body, don't rub it in...It's a work in progress) with 100% whole grain toast with peanut butter and nuttella (ALDI's brand, which is GREAT). Morgan (my 6 yr old) shared the same breakfast, but I sweetened hers with sugar. *small amt
I drank PURPLE cranberry juice to wash it all down. This all occured at 6:45 this morning...and I haven't been HUNGRY ONCE since!!!!! This is HUGE...huge...huge. Let's see how my body responds in an hour. Things are looking good :)
*p.s. mom was put on insulin for the first time as of yesterday. Not sure if it's all because of her diet....but that would be my best guess.
Current Physical and Emotional State:
21 weeks pregnant today
210 lbs (lost 5)
Feeling....more refreshed and skin looks happy today...feels happy, too
body is still fighting this autoimmune flare up....muscles are still weak.
hmm....let's see what it will say tomorrow....
So I slept on it. Lo' and behold. The same reading today...actually, I could almost say it read minus 6 lbs but I wont get carried away.
Water weight. I'm sure.
Diet for the past two days I could say has been appropriate, but a bit bland. Not on flavor, but on variety. I have got to go COLOR hunting very soon!!! If anyone has any ideas on locations, please share!
I'm not gung ho' on weight loss. I am 75% focused on healthy diet alone. Yes, my body would LOVE to shed a few, so I am keeping that goal in check, but on the back burner. Why lose lbs when you are unhealthy...
Today, I went with slow cooking oats and cinnamon (with splenda...please, I have enough guilt that I am putting that into my body, don't rub it in...It's a work in progress) with 100% whole grain toast with peanut butter and nuttella (ALDI's brand, which is GREAT). Morgan (my 6 yr old) shared the same breakfast, but I sweetened hers with sugar. *small amt
I drank PURPLE cranberry juice to wash it all down. This all occured at 6:45 this morning...and I haven't been HUNGRY ONCE since!!!!! This is HUGE...huge...huge. Let's see how my body responds in an hour. Things are looking good :)
*p.s. mom was put on insulin for the first time as of yesterday. Not sure if it's all because of her diet....but that would be my best guess.
Current Physical and Emotional State:
21 weeks pregnant today
210 lbs (lost 5)
Feeling....more refreshed and skin looks happy today...feels happy, too
body is still fighting this autoimmune flare up....muscles are still weak.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
To end the day...
Outside the home is a different story altogether....
The kids and I had plans to visit grandma. She mentioned making dinner. Dinner? I can't just NOT eat...can I? No, so do I take one for the team? Oh, I am not going to make it through the first day...
We arrive and she had fried WHITE potatoes on the stovetop, Fried pork steak sandwiches...WHITE bread. Oh, there was a jar of apple...butter. Three pieces of some kind of whipped cream pie with chocolate swirls from the freezer sat on the countertop waiting patiently. This couldn't be happening so soon!
Watermellon! I popped a piece in my mouth.
"I have to run, grandma..."
I asked to take my food on the run. There! I figured it out...I wouldn't really have to eat what she had made after all....
Not exactly
Long story short, lets say, I praise myself for NOT eating that dessert or potatoes. I did, however, stay long enough to be totally starving and did eat a portion of that piece of pork. Ah, but alas. I am human. Pork will be in my life, wont it? So will pie.
I accept what has happened today as a conquering of a mole-hill. Tomorrow will be another. I accept myself for being an omnivore...but before I sleep tonight, I will thaw a handful of frozen raspberries that are waiting for me in my freezer and eat them on a small amount of whipped cream and rest assured that today I was able to eat something GREEN, RED, PURPLE, and YELLOW.
I've proven that I CAN do this, and now the next step is to KEEP doing it, and do it even better tomorrow.
The kids and I had plans to visit grandma. She mentioned making dinner. Dinner? I can't just NOT eat...can I? No, so do I take one for the team? Oh, I am not going to make it through the first day...
We arrive and she had fried WHITE potatoes on the stovetop, Fried pork steak sandwiches...WHITE bread. Oh, there was a jar of apple...butter. Three pieces of some kind of whipped cream pie with chocolate swirls from the freezer sat on the countertop waiting patiently. This couldn't be happening so soon!
Watermellon! I popped a piece in my mouth.
"I have to run, grandma..."
I asked to take my food on the run. There! I figured it out...I wouldn't really have to eat what she had made after all....
Not exactly
Long story short, lets say, I praise myself for NOT eating that dessert or potatoes. I did, however, stay long enough to be totally starving and did eat a portion of that piece of pork. Ah, but alas. I am human. Pork will be in my life, wont it? So will pie.
I accept what has happened today as a conquering of a mole-hill. Tomorrow will be another. I accept myself for being an omnivore...but before I sleep tonight, I will thaw a handful of frozen raspberries that are waiting for me in my freezer and eat them on a small amount of whipped cream and rest assured that today I was able to eat something GREEN, RED, PURPLE, and YELLOW.
I've proven that I CAN do this, and now the next step is to KEEP doing it, and do it even better tomorrow.
very good info
A simple way to load up on nature’s superfoods.
In the last couple of decades, scientists have discovered more reasons (beyond vitamins and fiber) to pack your diet with fruits and vegetables: phytochemicals. All plants contain these compounds, which protect them from a variety of dangers—from harmful UV rays to predatory pests. We take in phytochemicals when we eat fruits and vegetables and, as it turns out, they protect us too. Some act as antioxidants, mopping up unstable “free radical” molecules that can damage cells and lead to the development of heart disease, cancer, Alzheimer’s and other health issues. Others work by boosting the immune system.
What’s fascinating is that nature seems to have a way of highlighting these beneficial nutrients by giving them bright colors that allow you to spot them at a glance. For example, anthocyanins make blueberries blue and may help to keep your mind sharp. Tomatoes get their ruby hue from lycopene, a phytochemical that may help to prevent prostate cancer. To get the maximum disease-fighting power that phytochemicals can provide, choose foods that represent all colors of the rainbow.
The USDA suggests paying particular attention to orange and red (5 1/2 cups per week) and dark green (1 1/2 cups per week) produce, both good sources of vitamin A and other important nutrients.
Red
Red foods, such as tomatoes and watermelon, contain lycopene, a phytochemical that may help protect against prostate and breast cancers.
Guava
Pink grapefruit
Red peppers
Tomatoes
Watermelon
Orange
Alpha and beta carotene make foods like carrots and sweet potatoes so brilliantly orange. The body converts these compounds into the active form of vitamin A, which helps keep your eyes, bones and immune system healthy. These phytochemicals also operate as antioxidants, sweeping up disease-promoting free radicals. (Click here for healthy antioxidant recipes.)
Apricots
Cantaloupe
Carrots
Mango
Oranges
Papaya
Pumpkin
Sweet potatoes
Tangerines
Winter squash
Yellow & Green, part 1 (leafy greens)
Many yellow and green vegetables are good sources of lutein and zeaxanthin, phytochemicals that accumulate in the eyes and help prevent age-related macular degeneration, a leading cause of blindness in older people. Leafy greens are also rich in beta carotene. (Click here for 5 foods to eat to help your eyes.)
Artichoke
Corn
Lettuce
Summer squash
Wax beans
Arugula
Chard
Collards
Mustard greens
Turnip greens
Green, part 2 (cruciferous)
Cruciferous vegetables, such as broccoli and kale, provide compounds called indoles and isothiocyanates, which may help prevent cancer by amping up the production of enzymes that clear toxins from the body.
Broccoli
Brussels sprouts
Cauliflower
Green cabbage
Kale
Blue & Purple/Deep Red
Blue, purple and deep-red fruits and vegetables are full of anthocyanins and proanthocyanins, antioxidants associated with keeping the heart healthy and the brain functioning optimally. (Click here for healthy antioxidant recipes.)
Blackberries
Blueberries
Eggplant
Plums
Cranberries
Grapes
Radishes (red)
Raspberries
Strawberries
In the last couple of decades, scientists have discovered more reasons (beyond vitamins and fiber) to pack your diet with fruits and vegetables: phytochemicals. All plants contain these compounds, which protect them from a variety of dangers—from harmful UV rays to predatory pests. We take in phytochemicals when we eat fruits and vegetables and, as it turns out, they protect us too. Some act as antioxidants, mopping up unstable “free radical” molecules that can damage cells and lead to the development of heart disease, cancer, Alzheimer’s and other health issues. Others work by boosting the immune system.
What’s fascinating is that nature seems to have a way of highlighting these beneficial nutrients by giving them bright colors that allow you to spot them at a glance. For example, anthocyanins make blueberries blue and may help to keep your mind sharp. Tomatoes get their ruby hue from lycopene, a phytochemical that may help to prevent prostate cancer. To get the maximum disease-fighting power that phytochemicals can provide, choose foods that represent all colors of the rainbow.
The USDA suggests paying particular attention to orange and red (5 1/2 cups per week) and dark green (1 1/2 cups per week) produce, both good sources of vitamin A and other important nutrients.
Red
Red foods, such as tomatoes and watermelon, contain lycopene, a phytochemical that may help protect against prostate and breast cancers.
Guava
Pink grapefruit
Red peppers
Tomatoes
Watermelon
Orange
Alpha and beta carotene make foods like carrots and sweet potatoes so brilliantly orange. The body converts these compounds into the active form of vitamin A, which helps keep your eyes, bones and immune system healthy. These phytochemicals also operate as antioxidants, sweeping up disease-promoting free radicals. (Click here for healthy antioxidant recipes.)
Apricots
Cantaloupe
Carrots
Mango
Oranges
Papaya
Pumpkin
Sweet potatoes
Tangerines
Winter squash
Yellow & Green, part 1 (leafy greens)
Many yellow and green vegetables are good sources of lutein and zeaxanthin, phytochemicals that accumulate in the eyes and help prevent age-related macular degeneration, a leading cause of blindness in older people. Leafy greens are also rich in beta carotene. (Click here for 5 foods to eat to help your eyes.)
Artichoke
Corn
Lettuce
Summer squash
Wax beans
Arugula
Chard
Collards
Mustard greens
Turnip greens
Green, part 2 (cruciferous)
Cruciferous vegetables, such as broccoli and kale, provide compounds called indoles and isothiocyanates, which may help prevent cancer by amping up the production of enzymes that clear toxins from the body.
Broccoli
Brussels sprouts
Cauliflower
Green cabbage
Kale
Blue & Purple/Deep Red
Blue, purple and deep-red fruits and vegetables are full of anthocyanins and proanthocyanins, antioxidants associated with keeping the heart healthy and the brain functioning optimally. (Click here for healthy antioxidant recipes.)
Blackberries
Blueberries
Eggplant
Plums
Cranberries
Grapes
Radishes (red)
Raspberries
Strawberries
First battle....
Moments after logging off, I was starving.
Maybe blogging will spur hunger spikes…how ironic.
I have always had issues with being shaky. “Hypoglycemia,” my doctor told me during a visit back in 2002, “is not something you want on your health records. It looks bad to the insurance company.” Right then, after being diagnosed, I was taught that my health problems can be overlooked, hidden, pushed aside like the steamed veggies next to your filet minion. How easy that was. How easy I pretend it is now to rush to the nearest box of sugary goodness to quickly raise my levels before I feel close to faint.
I might be doing this right, today.
Back to 10am today. I was so weak, like so many times a day that it happens. I commonly blame it on waiting too long to eat. Of course, that’s it. I should have eaten sooner. Well, I am going to go out on a limb, a very lonely limb, and say….that is a lie. Those feelings are caused by a poor, incomplete diet. My body cannot keep itself running on what I feed it. It shakes. It wants to keep moving, but the gears are dry…the oil is gone. I’m running on ‘E.’
Don’t touch those crackers. Don’t grab the microwave burrito. Stop. THINK.
It was very difficult to find anything COLORFUL anywhere in my kitchen. Brown, tan, white….
I found something: A can of diet soup, broccoli and potato. Broccoli is GREEN!
I snatched it up. Poured it into a pan and placed it on my stove, clicked on the fire and stared down at it. It was so white. The green was much less than I had hoped. I wanted to fix this. I went back to the cupboard. Peas…peas would help, right?
In they went, right into the soup.
I felt faint… Must eat now.
I plopped a multigrain pita into the toaster…pop…..oh it was so warm and toasty. I gave it a little dose of peanut butter and honey…honey is YELLOW. I ate the first half while stirring the soup. It was GOOD.
The soup was wonderful and warm. I was shaking so bad by the time it was ready, I had to concentrate on slow breathing and relaxation to keep myself from gulping it down like an animal. Ice water cooled the senses. I finished my bowl while watching Allie (our 10 month old) sleep in her little play pen. The sounds of my spoon clinking in my bowl were starting to rouse her.
I had done it. I had fought my first battle. I had won.
And the day is only half over.
Maybe blogging will spur hunger spikes…how ironic.
I have always had issues with being shaky. “Hypoglycemia,” my doctor told me during a visit back in 2002, “is not something you want on your health records. It looks bad to the insurance company.” Right then, after being diagnosed, I was taught that my health problems can be overlooked, hidden, pushed aside like the steamed veggies next to your filet minion. How easy that was. How easy I pretend it is now to rush to the nearest box of sugary goodness to quickly raise my levels before I feel close to faint.
I might be doing this right, today.
Back to 10am today. I was so weak, like so many times a day that it happens. I commonly blame it on waiting too long to eat. Of course, that’s it. I should have eaten sooner. Well, I am going to go out on a limb, a very lonely limb, and say….that is a lie. Those feelings are caused by a poor, incomplete diet. My body cannot keep itself running on what I feed it. It shakes. It wants to keep moving, but the gears are dry…the oil is gone. I’m running on ‘E.’
Don’t touch those crackers. Don’t grab the microwave burrito. Stop. THINK.
It was very difficult to find anything COLORFUL anywhere in my kitchen. Brown, tan, white….
I found something: A can of diet soup, broccoli and potato. Broccoli is GREEN!
I snatched it up. Poured it into a pan and placed it on my stove, clicked on the fire and stared down at it. It was so white. The green was much less than I had hoped. I wanted to fix this. I went back to the cupboard. Peas…peas would help, right?
In they went, right into the soup.
I felt faint… Must eat now.
I plopped a multigrain pita into the toaster…pop…..oh it was so warm and toasty. I gave it a little dose of peanut butter and honey…honey is YELLOW. I ate the first half while stirring the soup. It was GOOD.
The soup was wonderful and warm. I was shaking so bad by the time it was ready, I had to concentrate on slow breathing and relaxation to keep myself from gulping it down like an animal. Ice water cooled the senses. I finished my bowl while watching Allie (our 10 month old) sleep in her little play pen. The sounds of my spoon clinking in my bowl were starting to rouse her.
I had done it. I had fought my first battle. I had won.
And the day is only half over.
In the beginning....
...there was darkness.
This page was empty. I feel that's the best place to start...with nothing. That's a breath of heavy fresh air for me. Almost too heavy...hard to hold in your chest. I've been living my life like most for my first 26 years...taking shallow breaths, moving too fast...thinking too fast, talking too fast...living too fast. Why? Because it felt lighter in the moment.
"If I keep moving, nothing will catch me."
Birthdays are coming faster than ever. I wonder now and then when I think of my age, what my mother was doing when she was 26. I think of her now...and her health. Then the moment is disturbed like it always is. I have things to do. Lots to do that must be done before I'm too tired and too old to do them. Hurry. Hurry.
I never feel good. I come up with excuses. The best ones in the world. I am the best customer of those excuses, and I buy them all. Every last one. Each one comes in a different design, package, smell, taste, color....but they're all the same. I know this in my mind, but that's okay. Each one is like sleeping on a comfy bed, a warm spot, one that's been kept warm for generations and now it's been handed down to me. I never want to imagine having to stand up and walk away from it. It's a perfect fit. But, you know, it's killing me.
It's my death bed.
I'm not sure how to tell myself that I'm going to die. I look to the news, first. It's easier for them to tell me. Eat this, die. Eat that, die. Okay, I get it. I've eaten that, I've eaten this. I'm dying. Now I'm going to rush off. I've got things to do. Life doesn't wait, it can't stop for me to heal.
I'm shopping right at this moment. This blog was my most recent spend on life. I'm going to write about myself, to myself, to others who I don't even know, but can relate to. I'm an artist, and love to write. Why can't I put those things into saving myself...? My life is very colorful. I have two (with one on the way) children, a husband, a house, and a career. Each of these things are sweeping me away on life's rollercoaster...and I only take a break to eat and sleep. Lately, my health condition requires medication that causes sleep to be fickle, leaving eating all I can count on to give me a moment of solace. My diet is one like many. I buy what is sold to me. I count the calories, I choose healthier foods. But something is missing. I feel hungry after eating.
That can't be right. What am I doing wrong?
I've taken a long hard look at things. I'm going to go on a journey and find what I am missing. I am going to find a way to eat the colors that I love. They are going to replace the void that I am feeling, and hopefully cause a wonderful explosion of life. I want to feel as beautiful as the paintings I love. I want it to come from the inside of my soul. I am starting with my diet.
I'm sure that they are going to look very tempting in a moment from now...when I stand up from this computer after this blog and let my mind drift. Past the living room is the kitchen where all kinds of excuses are floating around, ripe and juicy and sweet and salty.
This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. I have to reconstruct my entire life. This will be my life. I want to share this experience with whoever wants to read my blogs. I hope there are a few who will lend me their knowledge, experience, tips, references, etc. I need all the support I can get. I want to be healthy again.
Height: 5'11''
21 weeks pregnant
Pre-pregnancy weight: 200
Current bodyweight: 210
Longterm bodyweight goal: 185 (after baby)
Current medical condition: undiagnosed autoimmune disease
Current medications: 5ml prednisone/day
This page was empty. I feel that's the best place to start...with nothing. That's a breath of heavy fresh air for me. Almost too heavy...hard to hold in your chest. I've been living my life like most for my first 26 years...taking shallow breaths, moving too fast...thinking too fast, talking too fast...living too fast. Why? Because it felt lighter in the moment.
"If I keep moving, nothing will catch me."
Birthdays are coming faster than ever. I wonder now and then when I think of my age, what my mother was doing when she was 26. I think of her now...and her health. Then the moment is disturbed like it always is. I have things to do. Lots to do that must be done before I'm too tired and too old to do them. Hurry. Hurry.
I never feel good. I come up with excuses. The best ones in the world. I am the best customer of those excuses, and I buy them all. Every last one. Each one comes in a different design, package, smell, taste, color....but they're all the same. I know this in my mind, but that's okay. Each one is like sleeping on a comfy bed, a warm spot, one that's been kept warm for generations and now it's been handed down to me. I never want to imagine having to stand up and walk away from it. It's a perfect fit. But, you know, it's killing me.
It's my death bed.
I'm not sure how to tell myself that I'm going to die. I look to the news, first. It's easier for them to tell me. Eat this, die. Eat that, die. Okay, I get it. I've eaten that, I've eaten this. I'm dying. Now I'm going to rush off. I've got things to do. Life doesn't wait, it can't stop for me to heal.
I'm shopping right at this moment. This blog was my most recent spend on life. I'm going to write about myself, to myself, to others who I don't even know, but can relate to. I'm an artist, and love to write. Why can't I put those things into saving myself...? My life is very colorful. I have two (with one on the way) children, a husband, a house, and a career. Each of these things are sweeping me away on life's rollercoaster...and I only take a break to eat and sleep. Lately, my health condition requires medication that causes sleep to be fickle, leaving eating all I can count on to give me a moment of solace. My diet is one like many. I buy what is sold to me. I count the calories, I choose healthier foods. But something is missing. I feel hungry after eating.
That can't be right. What am I doing wrong?
I've taken a long hard look at things. I'm going to go on a journey and find what I am missing. I am going to find a way to eat the colors that I love. They are going to replace the void that I am feeling, and hopefully cause a wonderful explosion of life. I want to feel as beautiful as the paintings I love. I want it to come from the inside of my soul. I am starting with my diet.
I'm sure that they are going to look very tempting in a moment from now...when I stand up from this computer after this blog and let my mind drift. Past the living room is the kitchen where all kinds of excuses are floating around, ripe and juicy and sweet and salty.
This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. I have to reconstruct my entire life. This will be my life. I want to share this experience with whoever wants to read my blogs. I hope there are a few who will lend me their knowledge, experience, tips, references, etc. I need all the support I can get. I want to be healthy again.
Height: 5'11''
21 weeks pregnant
Pre-pregnancy weight: 200
Current bodyweight: 210
Longterm bodyweight goal: 185 (after baby)
Current medical condition: undiagnosed autoimmune disease
Current medications: 5ml prednisone/day
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